|
|
|
|
I lived with Bryan Flaig and Jonathan Robinson one summer at UVA. We lived off of JPA . . it was a hike from the corner and the usual fun stuff. Our house was secluded but we had cool neighbors and my big-screen TV.
Bryan had his ferret. I've never hated an animal more than this one. Ferrets are basically long rats - the dachshunds of the rodent family.
Jerry got out of the house once and scurried into the bushes - I scrambled after him. I wondered what Bryan would think if I lost his ferret. For a moment I considered not trying that hard. I dumped out my Pepsi and caught him head-first in the styrofoam cup. (That was the weird summer when I preferred Pepsi to Coke.)
Jerry used to sleep in a hammock in his cage. When Bryan would let him out, he would traverse a room like stereo cables do, right against the molding like he was on a track. Sometimes he would disappear under the couch and sometimes he would nip at your ankles.
Sometimes I would totter to the bathroom half-asleep, trying not to awaken past the point of basic motor control. That's when I'd step in ferret poop. And Jerry loved my room. If I left my door open -- like when I'd cross the hall to the bathroom -- he would zip under my bed and hide among the papers and boxes. The only way to catch him involved picking up the futon frame with one hand and fishing around with the other, trying to scare him out and trying not to get bitten. When you're hung over, when all you want to do is sleep, it's just about the worst game you can play.
Alternatively, you could pretend he wasn't there. You could race back to sleep while trying to ignore the rustling under the pillow. I tried this a couple times, until I learned Jerry's other trick: drinking out of my glass (and knocking it over). I was almost asleep one time when he poured ice water on my face.
Bryan had a unique relationship with Jerry. He seemed to be the only person Jerry respected. Jerry would still bite him, sure, but Bryan was the alpha ferret. I didn't understand why. Then one day, Jerry nipped Bryan's hand. Bryan picked him up, stared him down, and stuck him in his mouth, up to his shoulders. My jaw hung open, too.
Bryan took him out and said, "Every once in a while, I think it's good to show Jerry I can eat him."
|