Last night I had a vivid dream that I had just arrived back in Shanghai with my luggage. It was fairly nice weather, and I was happy to be back. Full of nostalgia, I took a taxi to my old apartment to find the old complex was being destroyed for something new, therefore the apartments were all empty. My building was gone, so I went down to my old shopping neighbourhood of Xujiahui and wandered around looking for a place to stay.
When I couldn’t find any place, I went back to my old apartment complex and discovered I had made a mistake or miraculously my old building had reappeared. I somehow got myself up to the 28th floor though I’m really not sure how I did that. (I must be uber-athletic or able to float in dreams!) I put my bags down, and wandered around my dusty apartment, which hadn’t been touched since I left. I picked up things I had left behind, reminisced about how I had acquired them, crawled into my old bed with my old blankets and went to sleep. It felt so nice to be home.
I woke early in the morning, and went into my little kitchen, only to discover a giant wrecking ball hovering outside my window. Massive and foreboding, it was waiting for someone at the controls to conduct it far left, then far right and right through the kitchen window into the tile wall that lead to the bathroom and beyond. I’m not sure how long I had slept but it was apparently quite soundly as the neighbouring building had been completely demolished at some point. I realized that as soon as work started, I, along with my former flat high in the Shanghai sky would no longer exist. I began packing my stuff up quickly, wondering where I would go. None of my friends knew I was back in Shanghai. I looked in my old closet drawers on the off chance I would find my old SIM card.
As I quickly packed my bags, I noticed a bunch of flies buzzing around in a crack in the closet and something told me there was a rat about. Sure enough, it came out from under the bed, and climbed onto my leg. I tried to get it off, but it wouldn’t budge. It bit my finger but just got the skin and hung there. No blood spilled, I’d be fine. No lasting damage. I carefully got up and slowly carried the hanging rat to the window and gave him a final hard shake, sending him flying down 28 floors. I didn’t stay to watch though, returning to my bags to hear the scream of someone below who was suddenly disturbed by the by the skydiving rat.
I do need to add, that this didn’t seem like a bad dream. I was fine with everything that was happening. I happily went about my business of packing up and sorting out where to go in my mind. I wasn’t so fine with the rat, but it didn’t really scare me as it was easily disposed of and didn't really affect my time in any way. I went to wash my hands in the bathroom, to get rid of any germs I may have gotten off the rat, and this is the time I woke in real life, in my Khalifa City bedroom, and had to go to the bathroom.
I came to work later that morning and told my dream to my co worker Maureen. My initial take was that this dream meant that I shouldn’t go back to Asia, as my Asian life was somehow finished for me even though I had a great time while I was there. I thought maybe my mind was telling me that there was nothing left for me in Asia, an possibly my turkey plan was the one to stick to.
But Maureen had another take: Dreams are about our emotions and what is happening around us. This week I have been packing my things while the world that I once knew in the Emirates has been crashing around me. A major contract loss at my job may lead in many job losses at work, possibly mine as well in the not-too-distant future. My relationship with my ex, as temporarily resurrected as a friendship has now been ended by me permanently. I’m still battling over the details of my contract with the Human Resources department, but once I am on that plane, they can no longer have my soul. My world is thrashing about and crashing around me, but I am okay with it's demise. I’ll just quietly and calmly collect my things and go.
I have tried to leave three times since my contract was up in October, but extended my month long contracts a few times to ease the burden on my coworkers. Both times the contract end date loomed, I panicked. Was I making the right decision? Would I regret losing the paycheque to unemployment? Should I try to make the best of an unhealthy situation and stay? I even wrote a big email to certain key friends and asked them what their best advice was in terms of quitting my job in the face of world financial uncertainty. It may have been all for naught.
And now it seems, thanks to my dream, like my universe is slowly unfolding in a way that I feel comfortable with and that I like, and a way that I am totally in control and inspired to move on. The Emirati wrecking ball has arrived and I am packing everything up, but not in a panic. And the rat? Well, that one is too obvious.
Bring on that jet plane, I’m ready this time.