"If you find truth in any religion, accept that truth." - Buddha
Who knew I could be so photogenic as a Muslim? The point of this shot it to show how thin the material is. The actual abaya is a little heavier, but not by much.
Sept. 13 to Oct 13 is Ramadan across the Muslim world this year and I get to experience it first hand- sort of.
Right up front- I’m not fasting. We are a party of two in my villa, neither of us Muslim. I feel that Ramadan is much more than just fasting, and out here in the desert I’m not getting the full picture. But I support the Muslims around me, I don’t eat or drink in public (it’s actually illegal here and could land you in jail for the afternoon till the sun goes down) and I respect the customs. I dress modestly and don’t wear any perfume or heavy make up. (But a girl’s gotta do with a little foundation!) And I am learning as much as I can.
This is what I know so far: Ramadan is a time for separating the body, mind and soul. We spend so much time in the year focusing on our bodies we neglect to nourish the mind and the soul. By fasting, Muslims ignore the physical body in order to concentrate on the soul, and in Islam the soul wants to worship God, so this is the time to really get down to business and help the soul do that. There is immense support from the community to be honorable and pious during Ramadan- mass prayers at the mosque for the men, mass shopping at the markets by the women to deliver scrumptious meals to their families when its time to break the fast (known as Iftar and happens here at 6:28 sharp here.)
The gates to heaven are open during Ramadan and the gates to hell are closed. This is why it’s not such a bad thing to die during Ramadan (I’m talking old people who are on their way out anyway) because you have nowhere to go but up. So the devil who sits on your right shoulder is locked away for the month and it’s just you and the angel for a month.
The fasting is also meant to create compassion for those who have no food and no water. Nothing is supposed to pass your lips from dawn till dusk. Not even the smoke of cigarettes. After a few days of fasting, the mind slows down and people find it harder to judge each other. There is more compassion for people, you appreciate food a lot more, the senses are opened. And you realize that you can do without a lot more than you thought you could.
The parallels between Ramadan and yogic philosophy are pretty amazing.
A Muslim co-worker tried to explain Ramadan to me- He said, “If you do good things at Ramadan, the effect is ten times stronger. But if you sin at Ramadan, it is also ten times stronger.” “hmmm.” I thought for a minute.
“So if I do something nice for you its like I was nice to you ten times?”
“Yes!”
“So if I lend you ten dirham you’ll give me back one hundred Dirham?”
“Good one, Smart ass.”
“So if you call me a smart ass it’s like you called me a smart ass ten times?”
“Shut up.”
“So if you want me to shut up for one minute, I should shut up for ten minutes?”
“Yes, actually. Something like that!”
“You are so baaad! How are you going to make it through Ramadan?”
I love this game! And I have a whole month not to get bored of it!
Still, Ramadan to the non-Muslim living in the UAE can seem like the party of the year you which you received no invitation.
Pre-Ramadan, during a particular English class where I was teaching the men about modal verbs (must, have to and should, to be exact) a cheeky outspoken Abdullah (nicknamed B.K. to distinguish him from the six other Abdullahs we have in the class!) leaned back in his chair and announced, “Miss should wear an abaya at Ramadan!”
An abaya. Oh goodness. I think I dress moderately modest for these parts. All is covered up but I admit it’s not all baggy. “I don’t have one,” I laughed. “ and I don’t think it’s necessary- I’ll be extra careful to cover it all up over Ramadan.” Abdullah B.K. bolted up and looked at me with pleading perplexed eyes. “Miss you no understand. Ramadan”- he pointed to his head- “Here must be clean. No thinking bad. But I see this and Miiiiiiissss!” He twirled his finger in circles indicating my chest, which in my opinion was firmly secured under three layers of shirt and sweater. The boys laughed and I have to admit it was hilarious. “I’m sorry, B.K..” I smiled. “But I am not allowed to accept gifts from students. “ Misssssssss! The abaya is not for you! It’s for US! For clean head!” (He meant mind.)
Abdullah B.K’s family owns an abaya store. He would get me one, he promised. A nice one? I asked. Terrible to ask that but there is a big difference between the long flowing queenly gowns the women wear and the value village reminiscent Halloween costumes you can get at Carrefour. A nice one, he promised. We took a vote. “Who here thinks Melanie SHOULD wear an abaya during Ramadan?” Surprisingly all hands shot up. I acquiesced. I guess Melanie MUST wear one.
Abdullah B.K. Also suggested I use charcoal (our new vocabulary word) to darken in a mono-brow and a moustache to make myself more unattractive for the boys during Ramadan. Riiiiight.
Weird Shot taken off the roof. My settings on my camera were normal, but the sun was so strong! I feel like I'm in a desert mirage!
Side note here- The Abaya is like the gown a judge wears. The Sheila (pronounced Shay-lah) is the head scarf.
Many people in the West see the abaya as oppressive- like a way to hide women away from general society. But actually, the idea behind it is quite the opposite. You shouldn’t tempt other people’s wives and husbands. If you are extremely beautiful you should cover your face as well. It’s a vanity thing. Of course it’s also an insane jealousy thing here, where many husbands and wives fight over whether or not the women should go out in case another man looks lewdly at them. To that I say, men, get over it and allow your wives to have lives. But the women also need to stop freaking out if a man looks at them. So the result is, the more you cover, the more freedom you have to move about society.
I also used to think that if women wore abayas, they wouldn’t care so much about their appearances underneath- also an incorrect notion. If anything, the eye make up comes out in full force. Giant head clips are arranged in the back of the head largely to give these women the head shapes of Nefertiti (but I suspect it also helps hold the Sheila in place.) and hair is artfully arranged. In the bathrooms during the breaks, the sheila’s come off and if you didn’t know better you might think the can was a back stage dressing room for Moulin Rouge.
Though the abayas cover everything, one of the new styles it to have it open in the front, so when you walk fast the abaya flows open, revealing what you are wearing underneath. In Al Ain, the few girls who wore these abayas sported mu-mu like traditionally stitched garments underneath. Abu Dhabi girls wear jeans and high heels. And long flowing skirts which hug the butt and flow out below.
Vogue Morrocco, Here I come!
So in a strange sense, in cultural terms, it's flattering to me to have the men insist I wear an abaya to help them attain a pure mind over Ramadan. Abdullah B.K. even said if I were ugly it wouldn’t matter, but it matters! And Abdullah B.K. knows. He’s been to every classroom on the men’s side which has a female teacher. There are only two of us that fit the dangerously cute profile in his opinion.
So first day of Ramadan, Abdullah B.K. showed up for class, marvelously hungry but with a big Ramadan smile on his face and a tiny little bag decorated with roses at his side. Out he pulled a nice quality abaya. My stomach flipped. Would I look like an ass wearing this? Would it fit? It’s just not me. Oh gosh. What if I end up feeling like a loser compared to the queenly figures occupying the women’s side? What if I look awkward like an adolescent girl wearing her mother’s high heels around the kitchen for the first time?
The Chinese collar. Weird he would have chosen this style for me given my history of places I've lived!
The boys were excited. I pulled it out of the bag and was hit smack in the face with the most overpowering rose oud I have ever smelt. “I smoked it!” Abdullah grins. You sure did. Like a west coast salmon. But it’s rose instead of cedar.Eyes watering, I slid it on. It's made of a silky lingerie-like fabric, with gold around the cuffs and the collar. It’s actually a Chinese collar and like a qipao, it buttons down the left side. It fits in the shoulders and flows down and hits the floor-maybe a little too hard. I need to take it up about two or three inches or I’m gonna break my neck.
But I was surrounded by the boys and they were beaming. They looked proud. To the Emirati boys, this was AWESOME. Strangely enough, I felt like a sister showing her wedding gown to her little brothers for the first time. They were standing in a semi circle in front for me absolutely BEAMING. (Which is a big difference from them SLEEPING on their unfinished homework in the back of class like most days!)
Adbullah tried to teach me how to wrap the sheila around my head- ignoring the giggles of the boys as he tried to teach a woman how to do a woman thing. I actually knew, after having watched my female students do it over four months, but it was entertaining for me to see him perplexing over how to wrap it without touching any part of my head. The boys clapped when it was done. The whole thing lasted on my head for about three minutes before falling off. It’s going be a big fight for the remaining days of school between me and this little piece of black cloth and I am not sure who is going to win.
The whole ensemble!
Walking through the hall, the men of the university smiled and laughed when I approached. “Very beautiful! WOW! You look very nice! Wullah! Beautiful!You must wear this everyday!” Strangely enough, once I was covered up the men seemed more free to chat and joke with me. So there you go, Western world. The abaya allows you a certain kind of freedom in these parts. The men don’t need to be so on guard about their behaviour around you.
Once I hit the staff room, one of my English coworkers panicked when I walked in. He had been eating a sandwich and rushed to the door to throw me out as fasting Muslims may be offended if they see someone eating. “Oh it’s you! You look… stunning! Jeez, I thought you were one of them! What’s that strong smell?” He said, and the few teachers milling about came to have a look. They checked out the material, discussed the trimming on the sleeves and decided Abdullah had great taste. So strange to have the boy’s reaction repeated in the staffroom surrounded by westerners!
Another weird sun shot. It's really hard to keep this thing clean in the Dust. Don't know how they do it.
As I walked through the halls, walking fast so I could get my sandals through the little opening the abaya allowed me as it flew open and not trip, I flew around the university dropping off attendance and running to the photocopier, leaving a streaking smell of rose scented oud where ever I went. The students in half a daze would offer me a “salaam alekum” which they usually offer each other but not the foreign teachers. I started to feel queenly and regal- my black abaya less of a Halloween costume and more like a robe trimmed with real gold and precious stones instead of rhinestones. I managed to wrap the Sheila in such a way that I no longer looked like Mother Teresa but more of a chic Audrey Hepburn riding in the back of a convertible.
Then I decided to have fun with it.
On the way out to the bus, I flipped the edge of the scarf over my face so I was completely covered(like the Emirati girls do) and walked out to catch the bus. I met Salaam outside on the steps and surprisingly, I didn’t fool him for a second! He laughed and told me, “This is so good! You must really wear this everyday, it’s so nice! You look like an Emirati girl! So amazing! Really beautiful!” He giggled and I laughed, and the two of us walked out to the bus in Ramadan jubilance, me dragging my regal robe three inches behind me in the sand.
Thank you for the abaya, B.K., and
Happy Ramadan to the rest of you!!!
